Timber LaWolfe

Lost another perfect day

I know I'll never feel the same

This mental poison in my veins
Feels like I'm insane
Where did everything go wrong?

Name: Timber
Birthday: February 14th
Age: 17 (held back)
Gender: Female
Orientation: Straight
Status: Single
Play By: Alexis Ren

Can we put my life on pause?
Master of self-sabotage
Screaming but the pain goes on and on

Your feeling ten for ten
I'm just stuck here feeling dead

Supportive- Timber is a loyal and supportive friend and sister. Despite her hardships she is there to offer encouragement when needed and tries to stay positive in negative situations. She's learned there isn't much use in acting out or being negative in general so in turn she does her best to be a positive influence as she goes through the flow of life.

Jokester- She is a light hearted person to the best of her abilities, joking around with people and playing random pranks when she can. She likes to confuse people and cause some chaos when possible. She likes to see people's reactions, even if it might get into some trouble.

Creative- Timber likes building with legos and in general making things with her hands. She used to be a dancer but after everything her passion and confidence for it has been lost. She does enjoy writing stories, poems, sketching, and painting, the wall behind her desk covered in these random doodles. She likes to learn new crafts and explore craft fairs to get ideas of what she can do without having to speak.

Insecure- Even before her hearing loss Timber has been insecure in her looks and actions, but that happens when often overlooked by the ones you love. That feeling follows her underneath all of her smiles and excitable behavior. She second guesses herself a lot and now tries to avoid the spotlight and pity.

I love it when you hate it
Why am I so complicated?

It was a lose lose from the start
Stitch by stitch, I'm ripped apart

Growing up under the high expectations of her parents Timber struggled. At first, in her younger years, she had no problem minding her P's and Q's, following exactly what mom and dad said, but as she got older she started to realize that no matter what she did she could never live up to the role her sister was playing. Astrid was older, the more perfect one, the beautiful one, the one who always did the right thing. She was the person that Timber strived to be but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never be enough. Her grades weren't good enough and even with her success in ballet it was never enough. She fought and fought for her parents approval but as she neared her teenage years that longing to be accepted turned into resentment. Resentment of her parents and the sister that was meant to be her strongest confidant.

Instead of trying to work through these issues Timber turned to the less desirable group of kids in her school, starting to fool around with drinking, skipping class, and going to parties. She openly disrespected her parents and sister and it seemed nothing they tried to do could stop her and were on the verge of giving up. Timber didn't care, she loved hanging out with her friends, especially Bryson. He was hilarious and quickly became her best friend and worst influence. They always skipped school together and got into some sort of mischief, their favorite activity being roaming the rail road tracks while drinking warm beer he pinched from the local gas stations. There wasn't a real point to what they were doing but it didn't matter to Timber, she was having fun and having a choice in what she was doing. The only thing she didn't give up that her parents did approve of was ballet. Timber had always loved dancing like that, feeling like she could forget everything while she spun pirouettes and followed routines but on the day that changed her life she had chosen to run off with Bryson instead of go to practice.

Like all the times before she walked down a set of tracks, sharing a bottle of cheap vodka with Bryson as they crossed over a bridge, laughing about something stupid and being general careless kids that they almost didn't hear the blaring horn of a train as it came up behind them. The sound of the horn still rattles her brain, forcing her awake in the middle of most nights. A lot of what happened next is still a blur, she remembers looking at the train as it came barreling towards them and the stupid grin on her friends face when he told her they could out run it. She knows she took off as fast as she could but that bridge seemed so long. She remembers the tunnel vision, focusing on making it to the end where she could jump into the grass, remembers the moment she came to the edge and jumped, hitting the sharp rocks that supported the tracks as the horn blared again, so loud it felt like it was right above her, and something soft before it all went black.

When she woke up in the hospital she was extremely confused about what she was doing there, everything was so...quiet. Astrid was there first when she woke up, the first to talk to her, the first to make Timber realize that she couldn't hear...at all. One ear was buzzing and the other was silent, sending her into a panic that brought the nurses and doctors rushing into the room.

After that day Timber had to adjust to a new life. Not only had she lost her best friend, she had completely lost hearing in her left ear and majority in her right. Her parents pulled her from school and ballet, getting her into the appropriate therapies and having her taught sign language. In this time her biggest support was her sister Astrid, a person she had resented for so long became her best friend, learning sign language right along with her. That summer was a big change for Timber, Astrid was her only friend, her previous ones having cut contact with her after seeing her in the hospital, they signed to each other and spent a lot of time, Astrid being right at Timbers side for Brysons funeral. Even though she had lost everything Timber at least had her sister...until she found out the truth about Astrid and her connection with Bryson. Knowing that such a big secret had been kept from her tore her apart, it wasn't like she had been in love with Bryson, but knowing he was so close to her sister and that it had all be kept from her made her feel like she was getting stabbed in the heart with a knife. A wedge grew between the sisters for a time after that, but in her loneliness Timber felt like she was losing herself. She couldn't make any other friend, her parents were as hovering as ever, and she couldn't even bring herself to try to put on her dance slippers. All of it was too much. She needed to get away. 

Despite her avoidance and seclusion Astrid came back to her sister, trying to reason with her but it took time, that summer was messy but Timber was able to bury the hatchet...on one condition: Astrid had to convince their parents to let them go away to boarding school for a fresh start where no one had to know about her past or why she was being held back. With a lot of prodding and promises their parents allowed the girls to go as long as they looked after each other. 

Timber looked forward to a new school and new lease on life, telling herself that she needed to at least try to live. Though she still struggles with the fact that she survived and her friend didn't she tells herself this was her wake up call. Not everything is rosy though, as school continues Timber is facing more changes that are leaving her more nervous then ever. With hearing slowly returning to her right ear she has to make the decision if surgery for a cochlear implant would be worth all the physical and mental pain.

Another day, another breakdown
Why can't shit ever just work out?

I lost the person I used to be
I'm a walking catastrophe